My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
