At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize