she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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