Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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