That's intense
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
