4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
