I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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