Christians are straight up FREAKS
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
