That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
