last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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