I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
