i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
