i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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