I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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