He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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