No stitches, just platelets and will power
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am naked and annoyed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
