So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
