It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
