It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
