This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
