I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize