I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
