Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
