I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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