there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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