Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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