So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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