I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Randomize
