Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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