he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
