I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
