Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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