I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
