I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
