Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
