I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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