I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
