How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
