that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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