i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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