ugly people sure do ruin things
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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