I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize