He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dignity is for republicans.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
