i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
