I bet he comes in French.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
