She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
4 words: hood of his car
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
