Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
