My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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