5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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