Apparently you make a good broom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
