After last night, I could never be a politician.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
