I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
