My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
