your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
