After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
