I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
