Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't turn off my feet"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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