if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
