i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
