Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
