life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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