did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
