Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
