cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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