I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
